Think Happy Thoughts

But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 03:52:01 GMT

I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.

It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.

Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.

=D

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 15:48:41 GMT

Happy birthday to meeee!!!!

I'm finally 21 and legal...

laaaaadies

The future..

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 18:58:46 GMT

Ok, I haven't written here in forever, and don't think I've forgotten about it. My motivation to write here simply diminished, but recently, my thoughts have been running rampant. I figured I could come back to this blog to recrystallize them, and let everyone know who still reads this, that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, and that I indeed still enjoy writing and reading your entries.

My thoughts are on my current place in time, on the future: where I am at now. I've often heard the sentiment "One day at a time...", but until recently, never really understood the importance of it. To me, it means, live for today, not for what might be in the future. That's not to say don't prepare or schedule, or make obvious assumptions. It's the idea that, regardless of how sure you are of things, those things aren't 100% absolute. One of my favorite concepts in philosophy is that of a priori knowledge...the idea that yes, at this moment, right now, 2 and 2 equal four, and the keys that I am striking are solid, and the room in which I sit is square, but I have no way of knowing that all of these "truths" will be so in the next moment of my life. They are truths only because up until this exact moment, they have continued to be so. But no one can say for certain that they will be tomorrow, because no one knows the future.

We can only know and learn from the past, but the here after, tomorrow, the next day...completely unknown to us, no matter how easily assumed it may be. And that is the concept that most excites me. Because it means nothing is set, nothing is certain, and nothing is decided...tomorrow can be whatever I make it, and that power falls under no one's jurisdiction, most hopefully, but my own. For I have my own proactive abilities to choose how my reaction to things are. All I can really know is the days I've lived, and I can either enjoy them or despair over them, but as far as tomorrow...well, I just can't say for 100%. I just don't know. I can't plan anything definite, and I can't worry over things that might never happen. It's rather illogical, really, to worry and stress and fret over days that haven't even dawned yet. My only power is in absorbing the days I've lived and applying that absorbed experience into each coming one, forever achieving.
What brought this revelation on? I am having good days. Very good days. And that's enough, for now.

"I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?"
~Shakespeare

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 05:12:41 GMT

So how do you go about changing something that you've done wrong for so many years in your life? Is starting over a possibility?

Why is simply being yourself so hard to do?

Is one person really worth the effort?

This one is dedicated to my best friend, Erica Jones.

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 05:15:49 GMT

I figured I'd post an entry since I haven't in a while, and I'd make it out to my beste friend, Erica. She is really everything a best friend should be. She really has done so much for me it's unbelievable.

Many people, not all, go through different "best friends" throughout life. However, usually a person only has one 'real', true best friend in all that time. A best friend is not only someone you have a good time with, it is also someone you believe you can trust your life with. A best friend is the first person you call/text when the most amazing things happen in your life, and when the most horrific incidents happen. A best friend is the person you will always remember no matter what comes about. Some people lose the only true best friend they will ever have, and even when they get new "best friends" .. that old, real best friend is always on their mind. A best friend is almost like real family, a best friend gives the opinion you usually care most about. A best friend is the one who tells you the things you absolutely need to hear regardless of whether you want to hear it or not. A best friend is the person you usually can be around always and never get sick of. A best friend is someone you don't envy, and is the person you are grateful to have as a friend. A best friend is the one who will forgive you always, even when you've screwed up so bad. And a best friend is the one who even though you may have drifted apart from, when the time comes for them to hug you or congratulate you on an accomplishment or to console you on a loss.. they are the number one person you want to see, always because they are the person you've confided the most in and they are the person who knows you the best .. even when you both have changed.

Your real, true best friend is your comfort zone.

They are the first people you go to when you need someone to talk to. A person who is always there when you need them, no matter what the circumstances. When you’re sad they will try their hardest to cheer you up. They are the shoulder to cry on, because you know that they truly care about you. Someone you can be completely you around. A person you care about regardless of what stupid stuff they do. Someone that is honest and true. Someone whom with you have endless inside jokes. Someone that you can just look at a certain way and they’ll know exactly what you’re thinking. People who love each other and tell each other everything. A person that you trust with your secrets and who in turn trusts you with theirs. They are there for each other through thick and thin. One who forgives mistakes and is willing to make things better. They are someone you can totally be yourself around and not give a care in the world about your actions or feelings because they won't judge you for the stupid things you may do or say.

I am proud to say that MY best friend, Erica, fits alll of those qualities and more, and I couldn't ask for anyone else better to be in my life.

About death..

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 03:32:24 GMT

Why do we not think, "Death is coming. I had better take precaution"? When we sense danger coming, we take the necessary precaution. Is not death the biggest danger? And yet we enjoy life. Think for a while. Does it mean that we don't believe in death? Are we skeptics? Do we think it is only an illusion? If it were real to us, we would be serious about it, and yet we are not serious. Doesn't that show that we see, yet we don't believe in our seeing? We don't trust our eyes. Like a mirage, it is seen, but we know it is not water. Knowing that it is not water, we don't run after that mirage.

In the same way, we see death, and yet we are not afraid. There is a real meaning to this. The secret is this: the Inside Dweller knows that he has no death, because he has no birth. The Inside Dweller is unborn. Inside life is authentic. We realize, "What dies is the body, not me. The senses will die. I am not the senses, I am beyond them. I am using the senses as windows and taking care to keep them clean while I live in this house, the body." The Indweller does not identify with the house or with the windows. They are separate from the seer.

If the windows and the one who sees are one, then there will be no seeing, no seen, no process of seeing. So here we realize that when a person becomes old and closes the eyes, still he can see inside. The Indweller experiences what he or she has seen at another time. When you experience this kind of knowledge, you don't say, "I am the possessor of knowledge." Instead, you say, "I am knowledge. Before, I was covered by ignorance. Now I am uncovering myself. I was hidden. Now I am coming out. I am removing the veils, the curtains until the reality of my Self is revealed." When you believe in you, you start experiencing inner richness. That gives you such a deep confidence that insights start coming and doubts drop away. Doubts which came from the outside stay outside; they don't belong in your inner world.

Music really inspires me!

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 22:32:15 GMT

I've been up all night/morning listening to, writing, practicing and transcribing music. I am in love with music. The power it has over the mind and body are unbelievable. It simply pulls me into an almost neverending vortex of emotions. Music matters to me because it releases in us such an immensely powerful creativity and spontaneity - something which is unpredictable, elemental, thrilling, but which can often struggle for recognition and reward in a world dominated by bottom lines and measurable targets. It can describe things untouchable by the human language..indeed it is a language of it's own. I believe passionately that classical and jazz especially has the power to connect with people of all ages, classes and backgrounds up and down the country. It can have a unique spiritual quality which engages listeners in a far more deep and meaningful way than most things.

One of the deepest joys for me of classical and jazz music is the ability to have access to the thinking of all the world's greatest composers as they elevate our human chaos into musical landscapes of exquisite complexity and coherence. Living or dead, great artists of all kinds reveal layers of meaning and patterns of thinking that continue to travel over centuries. Music, more than any other artform can can express an unlimited range of emotions and, at the same time, create these emotions in human beings. What other art form can make people unbelievably happy or unbelievably sad, with all shades in between? What can matter more than bringing happiness and enjoyment to a wide range of people from all walks of life and from many different cultures? It's simply amazing!

I live day by day..

Sat, 13 May 2006 18:21:25 GMT

I've often heard the sentiment "One day at a time...", but until recently, never really understood the importance of it. To me, it means, live for today, not for what might be in the future. One of my favorite concepts in philosophy is that of a priori knowledge...the idea that yes, at this moment, right now, 2 and 2 equal four, and the keys that I am striking are solid, and the room in which I sit is square, but I have no way of knowing that all of these "truths" will be so in the next moment of my life. They are truths only because up until this exact moment, they have continued to be so. But no one can say for certain that they will be tomorrow, because no one knows the future.

We can only know and learn from the past, but the here after, tomorrow, the next day...completely unknown to us, no matter how easily assumed it may be. And that is the concept that most excites me. Because it means nothing is set, nothing is certain, and nothing is decided...tomorrow can be whatever I make it, and that power falls under no one's jurisdiction, most hopefully, but my own. All I can really know is the days I've lived, and I can either enjoy them or despair over them, but as far as tomorrow...well, I just can't say. I just don't know. I can't plan anything definite, and I can't worry over things that might never happen. It's rather illogical, really, to worry and stress and fret over days that haven't even dawned yet. My only power is in absorbing the days I've lived and applying that absorbed experience into each coming one.
What brought this revelation on? Tuesday was a good day. A very good day. And that's enough, for now.

"I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?"
~Shakespeare

I would appreciate if you all filled this out for me

Fri, 12 May 2006 01:55:12 GMT

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Zachary+Worthy

Thanks alot.

I'm going to smoke some weed then go play some video games while high.

Thu, 04 May 2006 22:13:26 GMT

Hey, yeah, long-term brain damage, short-term memory loss, low sperm count and dampened motor controls are the best, aren't they?

Boy, I tell you what, I just love artificially forcing my mind into an altered state rather than dealing with reality and developing healthy mental states.

And yet, oddly I'm too apathetic to continue my diatribe. Uhm... moral indignation, virtues of existential self-discovery, dangers of toxins in the body, etc. Yeah, that about covers the basics.

But seriously, on the hierarchy of human endeavors there is a yawning gulf which stretches between this and any remotely worthwhile activity. Don't ask me again.

I rarely ever do these, so you should feel special.

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 19:38:49 GMT

The Basics
What is your full name: Zachary John Worthy
How old are you: 18 and counting.
What is your date of birth: September 6th, 1987
Are you in school now: HCC for my basic courses. You know, the boring ones.
If so, what grade are you in: Freshman in college.
How many sisters do you have: 0
How many brothers do you have: 2
Are your parents still together: Yes
Do you like your parents: Yes
Do you like to go places with your family: Depends on the place
Do you have any pets: Yes, my plump beagle Lacy.
If you do tell us a little about them: She's plump and VERY hyper. She really loves attention.
How did you come across this survey: I had it saved to do later. I stole it from someone, I just don't remember who.
What time is it right now: 2:26pm

What is your favorite...
thing to do on the weekend: Practice piano, but that's always. Relax on the computer, read books, write songs.
food: I love my moms chili.
drink: Kool-aid (what did you expect)? I also enjoy hot chocolate.
thing to do in a bathroom: Um, shower?
thing to do in the shower: Sometimes I will stand under the relaxing streams of hot water for a long time just because it feels sooo goood. Unless I have to be somewhere.
snack: Oatmeal squares. Healthy, and delicious.
animal: Dogs
tv channel:
website: Livejournal, Myspace, Gamefaqs

About Online Journals
Do you have an online journal: Yes
Do you have more then one online journal: Nope
How many online Journals do you have: One
What service do you use: Livejournal
Will you post this survey in your journal: Yeah
How often do you post in your online journal: Not very often.
Do you like posting in your online journal: Yeah, when I'm in the mood to.
Do you tell the truth in your journal or do you BS a lot: Truth
do you tell everyone that your a buff jock when you are really a nerd: I am far from a buff jock. I'm not a nerd either.

Tell the truth now
Are you a dork: I can be
Are you a virgin: Nope
Do you wish you were still a virgin: I have no reason to
Do you smoke: Never
Do you use drugs: No
Do you wish you could quit smoking or using drugs: Paradox?
Do you drink: Nope
Are you drunk right now: Nope
Is the only reason that your taking this survey because your drunk: Nope
Are you drunk enough to screw a cat: No o_O
If you are go do it right now and send us some pictures.: No?
Have you ever screwed an animal: Can't say I have..
Are you a christian: Yes
Are you God: Nope
Are you the Devil: Nope

Last few questions
Now that you have finished this survey how do you feel: I'm tired from work, nothing to do with the survey
Are you still horny: Who ever said I was horny?
Are you going to go get laid right now: Nope, this survey has some strong sexual innuendo in it. Maybe YOU need to get laid.
What time is it now: 2:37pm
One more question after this and we are done, how do you feel: Like you asked this question already.

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 18:46:14 GMT

Listening to theory projects in class today, I have deduced that some people just were not meant to become composers. I don't think I've heard so many horrible original works of musical fiction in my life..

I can't decide whether humanity sucks or rocks..

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 04:13:26 GMT

Think about it. We created processors, antibiotics, we can study things we can't even see. We're physically powerful and dangerous in combat, we have incredible machines. We move faster and (with a little help from our machines) faster than any other species, lift more, and have done quite a bit. We're smart, self-aware, and (some of us) quite kind. With all this power, we have used quite a bit of it to create and help, rather than destroy and hurt. We established the Internet and the Red Cross, we've produced Gahndi and Stephen Hawkings. We're war heroes, athletes, scientists, artists, we've CREATED EVERY IDEA WE HAVE.

On the other hand, we spent most of the past 1900 years crapping on the streets and generally killing one another. The bulk of our species is still afraid of it's own shadow and magic, and still more are emotionally or mentally unwhole. We're especially cruel to the emotionally incomplete, too. We don't take care of them like we do the mentally deficient or the physically disabled. We usually end up locking them up or killing them. We kill one another and then complain about how awful it is. To quote Eris, from the Principia Discordia, "Oh. Well then, stop.". But we don't.

So, in The Whole Sort Of General Mishmash, how are we? Have we done more good things or bad things? We know that we're going to die, yet there's nothing so far that can stop us from dying. We've created antibiotics and processors, things so amazingly complex, yet we can't end our own demise. So does it even matter?

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 03:25:31 GMT

She looked gorgeous tonight. I watched her sitting, drinking her coffee, warmed by her clothes pulled tightly around her on this brisk night. The moon lay far above, offering its light to the earth, signaling another day soon to begin.

I stood from afar, my eyes breathing her in. Her hair blew across her face against the slight breeze. She calmly brushed it aside and took another sip of her drink, holding both hands around the large cup. My heart raced.

Walking up, she noticed me and smiled—a beautiful, inviting smile that I grew to love over these past few years.

The waiter noticed the new patron and inquired if I wanted anything to drink. I politely declined. My mind fluttered with thoughts all too busy to enjoy a cappuccino. He smiled and quickly left, tending to the other tables nearby.

‘Amazing night to be out.’
‘Yeah, it really is.’

We shared a few moments of silence, each breath pulling this night into our bodies, absorbing every precious bit of it and slowly releasing it back out into the world, giving someone else a chance to feel the beauty.

‘I have something to tell you.’

Her eyes glanced over mine quickly trying to find the answer to her question of what I was about to ask. She shifted her body, now focusing on me. The surroundings blurred. My heart sped up.

‘Since we first met, I knew there was something special about you. I knew that I thought about you…maybe not in the way you thought of me. Every minute we spent with each other, I felt happy…relaxed…good.
I know this may be something that changes everything but I know I can’t go on any further without telling you…
I’ve loved you for a long time…and I want nothing more in this world than to be with you…’

A pause. I could only hear my own heart beating.

‘I know you may not have anything to say to this, I know you may never want to talk to me again....I…I’ll leave you now…’

In her silence, I felt I knew her response. My heart weighed a hundred pounds. Each thump rattled my chest. My legs turned numb. I pushed back on the chair, about to stand up, when suddenly her hand reached out to stop me. It lay on my arm…

Her touch sent lightning through my body. She moved her hand slowly upwards, towards my face, touching my cheek with her soft skin.

Our eyes locked and she drew me closer in…

Time.

Stood.

Still.

Her lips grazed mine at first and we both shuttered a little…drawing even closer…

I knew nothing would stay the same.

And that was okay.

Jumbled thoughts from a small person in a massive world..

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 08:22:50 GMT

Ah, to be pure and balanced within myself and those I love. I am blessed, and I choose to bless those around me in turn. Those who are deserving. These blessings I give, I take in pain upon myself, little sacrifices, little deaths as I give lives, bathed in the blue light of the beauty of the act, in happiness, devoit of fear, but prepared to face it should the need arise. I am not controlled by physical possesions. It's a wonderful feeling.

The one I truely love is enduring intense pain as we speak. The pain I feel from her is almost unbearable at times, and due to certain constraints, I cannot not physically be there for her or with her at this time. Yes, it is a bit of a tragedy, but yet I still live and breathe in purity and happiness. I refuse to let go. I live in perfect balance within myself, upholding everything I believe in, and in that I will share it with her and those I love. Knowing I am happy I'm sure would make her happy, and I strive to carry her and lift her higher than her pain can ever throw her down. I want to be as responsible for her happiness as I can possibly be, and in that I will take great pride. I want balance her emotions until I can bring her into a state of pure happiness, and an unaltered state of self love and approval. My greeds, my desires, mean nothing in the face of my true loves agony. I would give her peace at my own expense. It's nothing to do with trivial relationships, it's nothing to do with sex. My charge is sacred and my path is clear. My sacrifice, that is my love.

I desire to show everyone I love pure happiness. I want them to be carefree in a world full of pain, hurt, stress and fear. I want them to be balanced emotionally within themselves and purified. You all know who you are. My friends, those who keep me, love me, help me and care for me. You are all special to me and I am prepared to give with absolute perfection to all of you.

The tragedy of my own love at the moment, it would seem, was just another well placed piece of the masterpiece. It is not something to mourned. For the time being, I will reach ascension towards a state where I either stand alone for the sake of others, or become one with a certain other person whom I find special enough to fully complete. My path is clear. If I wait eternally, then time itself shall be my love. I will give to those I feel deserving.

There are few who could ever begin to feel and understand what I am. I am a creature who looks past imperfections. Mistakes are not an imperfection. Through your mistakes you will learn and I will forever be forgiving. I am unstoppable but by my own will. Hesitation is my choice. Empathy only serves to double my comprehension of myself and my loved ones. I will make you true, pure and honest within yourself as long as I am given a chance. I fear no time, I fear no pain, I fear no death. These are all workings in the endless. As long as I'm in this world, I am it's rules and bounds, embracing the starry sky, and time eternal through love. My desire isn't to balance the world, but to create a balance within those I love, so that they can fully face the horrors of the world themselves, while I stand by their side always helping and embracing, upholding their purity, restoring them to the world and their spirit within it. The light of absolution pouring out in an endless gift upon themselves through my mercy, forgiveness and love upon them.

Those are my desires. That is what I strive for. Though I am pure within my self, I refuse to let the ones I love walk a path of darkness.

I've seen the other side, but why do people who don't deserve to be there have to endure it?

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 21:21:07 GMT

I'm not quite sure how to feel when I see less fortunate people. I'm not quite sure what to think when I see some people filled with riches, but not deserving of it at all. I don't know what to do when I see someone on the street, asking for money. I don't really know what to feel when I go to a Walmart and see families that barely live off it, while I'm only visiting to buy something silly. I don't know how to feel when my dad picks me up in a nice van, and others don't have a car at all.

I don't know how to feel about a lot of things in this life. Why does it seem like mine is so easy, when others are so hard? Why was I given so much and never asked for much in return? Certain people go through so much stress and pain who don't deserve a single bit of it, yet I seem to be living in a life of luxery.

Is it because I am a good person? Am I doing the right thing with my life? What about the people who do the right things yet suffer? All these questions, and I have no idea how to answer them.

I'm not sure...it's hard to explain what I'm talking about. But I don't like it. Sometimes I don't like going to places where I see people less fortunate than me. And I know that may sound horrible, but I don't mean it like that at all. I'm just saying it makes me feel guilty sometimes for the things I have in my life. What did I do to deserve such a wonderful, blessed life vs them? They need the things I have so much more than I do.

I feel so helpless. I want to help them, but what on earth should I do? How do I help? And is it enough? Will I ever feel like I'm making a difference in their lives, or am I just another 'rich kid' trying to justify his or her life?

More questions and very little answers. Maybe one day I'll figure something out. I'll find a way to give back to everyone.

'Twas the night before christmas...revised.

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 00:49:06 GMT

'Twas The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."

Fri, 14 Oct 2005 01:46:53 GMT

So here you go, answer honestly!!! Copy and paste and then leave your answers as a comment!!! You know the drill!!

1. What do you really think of me?
2. Name one good thing about me.
3. Name one bad thing about me.
4. Do you trust me?
5. Do you love me??
6. If you could give me one thing and it made me truly happy, what would you give me?
7. Name one word that reminds you of me.
8. Name one quote that you think suits me.
9. How do you see my future turning out?
10. Describe me in 5 words.
11. How would you classify our relationship?
12. What color best suits me?
13. Name one person that reminds you of me.
14. Is there ever a time when I come to mind, when??
15. What song reminds you of me??

Hope and emotions.

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 05:34:36 GMT

Recently, Evan and I have been talking about life, love and depression. Evan, throughout all of our conversations, one word of advice that I can really give you is to have hope.

Firstly, everyone has goals and everyone has dreams, but it is hope that guides us through life. Hope of accomplishing everything we set out to do, hope of living the life we want to live, hope that one day we will be happy. Sometimes things are so unlikely to happen, we don't even think about them until they actually do. However, when things don't go our way, when our trust in hope is broken, we feel emotions. This is my real topic. Emotions. Specifically emotions that involve "love".

Emotions are sometimes our weakness. They tend to take hold of our lives, and stir it around like a blender. It's as if emotions are just a way to set someone up for a brutal defeat. Emotions let us give ourselves away to a person. They tell us to be theirs, and loose all free will. Everything seems right at the time though. Like your body wants to let go of itself, to let someone else have it for a while. However, as easily as the body falls in love, it can also be destroyed. Where everything falls apart, and there is chaos everywhere. Nothing seems right and there is an eternal abyss of sorrow.

After these times people are not the same. People move on and forget what they had once had, but the body cannot rebuild easily after an emotional defeat. The body is precious and fragile, and needs to be nurtured and loved not dropped and beaten. When these unfortunate events occur, they shatter a person like a car crash. Everything comes falling down all at once. In an instant its all over and your left with nothing. One moment, the world is in your hands, and nothing can stop you, then its gone.

Sometimes it comes back though. This is the true reality of it all.

It is called true love.

Emotions can fool the body and they can also teach the body. You can easily set yourself up for heart break when you are emotional, but when there is someone out there whom you truely love, it is different. Then the emotions come and take over, there is nothing fake or false about it. When people fall in true love they know it all over. Their whole body falls into sync and everything seems to function all at one, together as one toward a certain goal. Emotions get better, they rebuild and come back, and so does the heart.

When you give yourself away to a person fully and truely, you can never get yourself back. A part always stays with the person. A part of you, a missing part of you, a part that will never return, a part that will vanish from you forever. If it is the right person, it is the best feeling in the world. Trust me.

What happens to that part of you though? Does it just disappear or is it inside the one you love forever. Something spiritual is left behind after love. Like giving an object a piece of your soul for your love to keep, and to always remember you by. This might be why when we see things that remind us of the people we truly loved, that it affects us so mentally deeply. It's because it is them, and we are reunited with them for that split second, just enough to think about the joy, and the laughter, and the feelings of love you feel when you are actually with them.

It’s something that touches all the people in the world who experience it. Perhaps its all we really have in common. Love. And if you havn't experienced it, you will. Trust me.

I love you, Millie.

The end of the world of near. I am dead serious.

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 00:50:33 GMT

http://www.exitmundi.nl/exitmundi.htm

This is a site that proposes several situations in which the end of the world might occur. Go there, scroll down to "Near Future" and read the article labled "Crash". Now after reading that, think about this: Hurricane Katrina just knocked knocked out two oil refineries. What do you think our chances of survival are?

Also, I suggest you read "Stop" also, as I found that article very interesting as well.

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 02:21:43 GMT

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.

1.~How did you meet darkpaintedrose? She was in the band..I can't remember exactly how we met to tell you the truth.
2.~What would you do if you had never met das_lem? Very very unique guy. I wouldn't be quite as creative as I am now.
3.~What do you honestly think of emilywang06? She's a very easy person to get along with.
4.~Would or did rebel22lax and sp0rkie go out? No, and they never would.
5.~Have you ever liked maddjazz21? Yes, I had the biggest crush on him in 6th grade.
6.~If baronessblixen died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know? That she would always be missed!
7.~Would ninety_two and mcrfrenchhorn make a good couple? Yes they would actually.
8.~Describe azraeel in 3 words: Intellegent, unique, kickass
9.~Do you think musicgal_shhs is hot? In her own way.
10.~Would baronessblixen and darkpaintedrose make a lovely couple? Yes they would actually!
11.~What do you think of when you see sp0rkie? SQUIRREL!!!!!!!
12.~Tell me something humiliating about mcrfrenchhorn: He's a nigger lover.
13.~Do you know any of hazeleyedbritt's family members? I know her sis' a little bit, and I've met her Mom and Dad.
14.~What's darkpaintedrose's favorite color? Dark red?
15.~On a scale of 1-10 how cute is trumpetgirl06? 10
16.~What would you do if vandersexxx0101 just professed their undying love for you? Profess my undying love for her also.
17.~What language does rebel22lax speak? Ebonics.
18.~Who is plentyofrolls going out with? Noone.
19.~Is missbassist5 a boy or a girl? Girl.
20.~Would alderf2000 and vandersexxx0101 make a good couple? NO! She's mine!
21.~Who do you think 4me2no would be great with from this list? maddjazz21
22.~When was the last time you talked to musicgal_shhs? At the band pool party.
23.~What is maddjazz21's favorite band? Duke ellingtons?
24.~Does ninety_two have any siblings? A sister.
25.~Would you ever date hazeleyedbritt? Nope.
26.~Would you ever date azraeel? Yes. Lol.
27.~Is 4me2no single? Yes.
28.~What is darkpaintedrose's last name? Check her journal.
29.~What is alderf2000's middle name? Kaleb
30~What is emilywang06's fantasy? To marry Jordan and have beautiful children with him.
31.~Where does missbassist5 live? No clue.
32.~Would you make out with darkpaintedrose? Nope.
33.~Are das_lem and hazeleyedbritt best friends? Nope.
34.~Does azraeel like darkpaintedrose? Nope.
35.~How did you meet alderf2000? We both played trombone in band.
36.~Is musicgal_shhs older than you? I think so.
37.~Is darkpaintedrose the sexiest person alive? To certain people she is.

New background!

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 19:50:12 GMT

For all who are wondering, the dog in my background is mine. Her name is Lacy.

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 22:24:27 GMT

I've ofter pondered the question "Why are there so many bad drivers?". Perhaps people just don't pay enough attention, or they're too tired, or angry, or maybe they are just a bit slow. Well after driving today for the first time, I can finally understand. They wern't taught very well in the first place.

Allow me to explain. I wake up today and go driving for, and let's not forget, my very first time driving. Ever. With the driving instructor from my driving school. Now as we are walking to the car, I clearly explain to her that this is my first time, and that I'll be a bit rusty, and she nods. Well first she drives for a little bit, then suddenly pulls over to the shoulder, in the middle of a rather heavy rush traffic might I add, and says "your turn". Uh ok? I would haved liked maybe a session or two without other traffic breathing down my neck for my first time, but ok whatever. Well she doesn't tell me anything that maybe a first driver should know, such as, you know, how to drive the car. Instead, she just sits me in front of the wheel and says "whenever your ready". So naturally, my first question was "how do I get out of park?". My reponse? A dirty look and a rather short answer to a question that I guess I'm supposed to magically know. So here I am driving, scared for my life, doing the best I can to not get killed, while getting a bunch of crap about how I need a lot of work and should practice a lot more, blah blah blah. Thankfully, I started to feel more and more comfortable the further we went, and it was smooth sailing until she annouced at the next light that I would have to turn left. Not only did I not know how to turn, obviously, but she didn't even teach me how to turn on the signal. Needless to say, my first left turn was a disaster, which ended up with her grabbing the wheel and doing it for me, then scolding me for not using my turn signal. Nice job on teaching me how to turn properly.

Next we hit the interstate. Once again, smooth sailing, until she tells me to pull onto the left lane. WTF? Now I'm no driving expert, but I vaguely remember learning that the left lane was pretty much the highspeed/passing lane on an interstate. Not exactly a "safe" lane for a new driver, wouldn't you agree? So after pissing about a hundred people off, the instructor tells me that I should go back in the right lane.

When it was all done and over, and I got out, the instructor told me that I should practice a lot before next session, and basically that I suck. NEWS FLASH! It was my first damn time lady, you job is to freaking teach me how to drive.

*long deep sigh*
~~~
I love you, Millie.

It's official.

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 13:01:31 GMT

Due to the fact that Shenandoah gave me a whopping $2,000, I will now be officially going to HCC for two years then transferring to Shenandoah. I can't say I'm too sad about it either, due to the fact that I don't have to pay a dime and I'm even getting money back. So I guess that's that. Wish me luck!

Escape into my mind, just try not to get lost.

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 06:26:03 GMT

As Millie and I stand amongst the many people in Concert Band everyday and listen to their many conversations, we both have contracted many thoughts about society. And since I don't have her to talk to right now, I've decided to write out an essay outlining my thoughts on the issue.

Something has seriously gone wrong in our society’s whole approach to the status and significance of sex. Sex is no longer being used by our society to reproduce itself through love and having children. Instead, it is producing many overly horny and/or promiscuous children, many of which are contracting sexually transmitted diseases; not to mention our above average teenage pregnancy rate.

How could we have gotten ourselves into such a disturbing situation, which poses huge dangers for the well-being and even the survival of our society?

I've pondered this, and I believe the answer lies in the revolution that has occurred in the way we look at birth, marriage, family life and the relations between men and women. Sex has become detached from reproduction. Instead, it has been turned into a recreational sport denuded of any moral or social constraints.

These are symptoms of a society which now seems to worship personal fulfilment and instant gratification, producing a profound change in sexual behaviour. If these trends remain unchecked, the eventual outcome seems to be the wearing down of the bonds of duty between the generations, and a country left with no stake in its own future.

With all this in mind, it's not hard to imagine a huge decline in birthrate. Demographic projections are almost invariably wrong, and unforeseen events occur causing people’s behaviour to change, throwing all forecasts into confusion.

And it doesn't help that typical males have been demonised as rapists, child molesters, wife-beaters, or caricatured as feeble-minded wimps. They are under the impression that their role as income provider is no longer necesarry -- unless they are actually separated from the mothers of their children, at which point they will be hounded for child support. They also view women no longer as people, but as certain objects of pleasure or toys of ther own desire.

In the meantime, women wonder why they can’t find a decent man with whom to have a child. However, that no longer seems to matter, because the freedom women now enjoy to have sex without the risk of reproduction, or with the collapse of any disgrace or moral constraint, has turned sex into the defining advantage of our consumer culture.

On the flip side of such adult irresponsibility, is that children are treated as mini-adults. Parents now refuse to treat children as the innocent individuals they are, who require the effort of guidance rather than secrecey. The state isn't doing to good of a job of handling this either. Instead, through sex-education in schools, it equips them for the sexual marketplace, then congratulates itself for its ‘responsibility’ as it dishes out condoms to under-age youngsters. The result is that sex has become a recreational sport for children just as it is for adults, with shocking and shameful results (i.e. Concert Band).

What would solve this dilemma? Maybe saving ourselves means investing heavily in committed relashionships, with desires to have sex only through love and also for having children to infinitely love, and to shore up and strengthen marriages. If that were to happen, our children might be rescued from the sexual free-for-all, and our gloomy society might shine once again. But will this ever happen?

Comments are welcome.
~~~
I love you, Millie.